3 replies to this topic

[Miyuki]

Figure this will get long so I'll start my own topic and will try to put together screenshots as I go along. Please note that English is not my first language so maybe some of the stuffs aren't as bad as I'm trying to make them out to be.

The ones in this post are gathered before the Friday 6/24 maint so if anything was changed after that, my apology.


Quick TOC
* Click "Post #" to jump to that post.

Post 1

• Quest - To El Dicastes (pt.1)
• Quest - Inspector Doha/Cat-ear Man (pt.1)
• General - Manuk (pt.1)

Post 2

• General - Manuk (pt.2 / final)
• Quest - To El Dicastes (pt.2 / final)
• General - El Dicastes (pt.1)

Post 3

• General - El Dicastes (pt.2 / final)
• Quest - Inspector Doha/Cat-ear Man (pt.2)

Post 4

• Quest - Inspector Doha/Cat-ear Man (pt.3 / final)
• Quest - Civil Services

Quest - To El Dicastes

Spoiler

Bad: delegation
Good: delegate

This is throughout the entire part of the quest when Vyhannus is being addressed.

Spoiler

1 - The first and second line seem to have missing punctuation.
2 - The way that dialog words sound weird to me, but maybe it's just me.
3 - So it's like this? :v
4 - The second sentence sounds funny with the usage of "first", but I don't know, maybe it's just me again.
5 - Missing punctuation.
6 - "El Dicastes, the capital of Sapha" with the subtitle is being repeated constantly within quest dialogues. It gets pretty annoying after that whole phrase was mentioned for the 4th time.

Spoiler

Maybe I missed a tone or something but why was Vyhannus questioned? Captain's name also got changed to "Hiba Agiff" in the quest window in the back.

Spoiler

Maybe these two dialog boxes can merge into one? Splitting them out like that is kinda weird, especially when the second window starts with a cap when it's supposed to be one sentence.


"_Character's name_, I invite you to El Dicastes, our capital city."


Maybe "Ravail of the Sapha/Safas race"?


Quest - Inspector Doha/Cat-ear Man

Spoiler

It will probably sound more natural if the choices are reword a bit?

Spoiler

1 - Run-on.
2 - "As you already know, the expedition here is an alliance of 3 countries, and we're not all on good terms." (Changes underlined.)
3 - A bit of a run-on. Maybe changing to "But the important thing is which country was behind this? Why would they do such a thing when we must promote peace and cooperation?" will be better?
4 - Cat Hand merchants?
5 - Missing quotation marks and capitalization for the quote.
6 - "............................Of course. Different tastes should be respected."
7 - Second sentence sounds weird.
8 - Missing punctuation.
9 - Missing punctuation in second sentence, second "please" sounding redundant.

To be honest, all of Doha's dialogues should be looked through in general. I'm not sure how to describe it but it sounds kinda flat? It wasn't an exciting read.


General - Manuk


"This is Manuk, where the Sapha, descendants of Hwergelmir live."
Speaking of which, the roots connecting Umbala to Niff is named .


This is a dialogue from one of the Manuk NPCs from the previous update. I think these are worker NPCs? Some of them is called "Phiom" while others are called "Piom". They also refer to themselves as "Safas", when 13.3 dialogues refer to themselves as "Sapha".


That's it for now, I'll post more when I get through the quests.

Edited by Miyuki, 27 June 2011 - 05:51 PM.

[Miyuki]

Continuing from above.


General - Manuk


The NPC's dialog ended with a funny symbol.


Quest - To El Dicastes

Spoiler

This is at the guard that gives you permission to go through Kamidal Tunnel in Manuk.

1 - But?
2 - A bit of a run-on. Try reading it out loud.
3 - "I recommend you to move in a group. It's dangerous and can be a long journey."

Spoiler

Maybe "I can finally go to the Capital of Saphas!!"?

Spoiler

At the Adventurer Clerk in Dicastes Diel.

1 - "yes" should be capitalized.
2 - That's like mashing two sentences into one.

Spoiler

At the two NPCs in front of the building in the Midgards Camp map that hints you of this quest. I picked the other option that's not "Listen carefully." (Didn't note down what it is. orz )

1 - It just sounds weird. The "So" also got capitalized when it shouldn't, if it's part of the previous sentence.
2 - "but" in the choice down there should be capitalized.
3 - The dialog makes it sound like Sapha is the name of someone.


This should be it for the To El Dicastes quest.


General - El Dicastes

Spoiler

1 - The El Dicastes guide NPC. "I'm Traveler Ichack, the first person to arrive in El Dicastes."

2 - When trying to talk to a Sapha/Safa before you register yourself in the Diel. It's not just this one, but some "action" dialogues are plain like this too as if it's a part of a convo, while other ones starts and ends with a dash like this one to distinguish it from a conversation dialogue. Oh, maybe reword it to "The Sapha keeps a distance from you even when you try to talk. Looks like he is about to call a Guard Galten. You should get moving." or something like that?

3 - The Lost Galten in the Piom residential building. Should reword to "I've been living as a Piom for too long... Now it's like a bad habit and I find myself here all the time."

4 - Shay's storage. "For those of you who wants to use this safe!" or "For those that wants to use this safe!"?


NPC in the Civil Service area in the Diel. Part of the word Manager got cut off.


The click bubble for the Elevator in that one part is about a cell or two too far from the door and took a while to found.


Will get to the Doha one later on. All the editing and whatnot gone a bit longer than expected.

[Miyuki]

Um, for those that care about the story of the quests, spoiler warning?


General - Manuk (and the surrounding area)

Spoiler

The city guide for El Dicastes.

1 - Dicastes Diel. "what" should be capitalized.
2 - Residence. "You don't understand? Just go take a look yourself and you'll get it!"
3 - Pub. The sentence about the location of the pub sounds kinda weird to me, but maybe it's just me.
4 - Cat Guild. This guy is referring the tribe/race as Safa. He did this in the other choices too. The second sentence is not really delivering what it's trying to say either.


The NPC Kareka in the factory that enchants you Light of El Dicastes.

1 - Dialogue merged with someone else's stuff
2 - Something is missing between the last two lines.

Spoiler

The two NPCs around the middle fountain. Both those dialogues are missing a period.


One of Shay's random greeting messages. There's an extra period in the first sentence and maybe change "Don't bother." to "Don't mind me."?


Isn't Kamidal the name of the mountain, not a place in the skirts of the mountain?


Unless I missed some other NPCs this is about it for the general El Dicastes NPCs.


Quest - Inspector Doha/Cat-ear Man

Why is this quest so long? ;_;


Shay talking about how he ended up in El Dicastes.

1 - "on" in the first sentence should be "of". Maybe reword the second sentence too? It sounds weird.
2 - "That's how I got to reach this place before anyone else did, and that is how the base of the expedition camp was built."
3 - "He looks very tired."

Spoiler

The second sentence needs rewording and the period is missing in the Objective field.


While collecting information about the cat-ear man.

1 - The chat with the Galten. "for" is missing in the first sentence.
2 - Rewording is probably needed, this feels Engrish.


Shay... "But why is there a carrot in the pie!? There's also no hint of apples!" -> ow

Spoiler

BK at the cat merchants outside El Dicastes.

1 - "What?! What do you want?! Why are you harrassing me?!"
2 - "ah" should be capitalized.
3 - The choice should be "Why do you think so?" or "What makes you think so?"
4 - "But isn't it strange?" "I've seen him from a distance and he wasn't."


1 - "more beautiful", maybe?
2 - Rewording/retranslation needed.


At the dimensional crack in Kamidal.

1 - "The split ground is solid and icy, making it look like sharp blades."
2 - Maybe reword the first sentence a bit?
3 - Maybe change the second sentence to "I can also feel a strange energy around."

Spoiler

Maybe change the wording around so it doesn't point toward one item? (Since you can pick up one of the three different items there and it'll advance the quest.)

Spoiler

1 - Choice there doesn't really make sense.
2 - Change the second sentence to question?
3 - "I'm the one that make the requests!"

Spoiler

Exploit? D:

Spoiler

At Ahat's office.

1 - Merge this into one sentence and put a comma after "voice"?
2 - "useless" should be capitalized and um, let's cut down on starting a sentence with "But".
3 - Failing to understand what the second sentence is trying to say.
4 - Choice #2 is missing a period.
5 - Bad: You're / Good: Your
6 - "continue" should be capitalized.

Spoiler

This will probably benefit from a rewording.

Spoiler

The messages at the dimensional crack. Some messages are Engrishy while some are not.

Spoiler

Missing punctuation.


Hit the image-allowed-per-post cap! /o\ Will finish tomorrow.

[Miyuki]

Quest - Inspector Doha/Cat-ear Man

Continuing from the previous post.


Back at Ahat's office.

"you" should be capitalized.

Spoiler

N> Rewording

Spoiler

1 - Is the second line supposed to be a new sentence? ?_?
2 - "It is difficult to satisfy everyone with only one loaf of bread." We should also stop starting 15% of the sentences with "Because".
3 - "This is something to reward you for your deeds. It's nothing much but I hope you like it."

Spoiler

The convo you have with Jarute HesLanta when you step out of the elevator after getting the Bradium Brooch from Ahat.

1 - Should be one sentence.
2 - "what" should be capitalized.
3 - "My office is special and you won't be able to leave here. Nobody can come in to help you either."
4 - "Sapha's" should just be "Saphas".
5 - Maybe reword to "Him allowing you to visit him means something is going on."?
6 - Should be one sentence.
7 - "you" should be capitalized.
8 - "He is a Sapha. A very beautiful and noble one. When we first found him at the crack, we all thought (of) the same thing."
9 - The crack is south of El Dicastes.
10 - The second sentence lacks a capitalization and is run-on.
11 - "in his hand"? Not sure. :<

Spoiler

1 - "Cheshire is a cat and the bandana was to hide his ears."
2 - "Ahat came from the crack and has no records before that."
3 - "He tries to erase all traces found near the crack. Ahat wants to eliminate..." -> Choice
4 - "Saphas want to hide something, that's why they hired me."
5 - Wait, so it's Morroc, Morocc, or Morrocc? Anyways, the last two sentences should probably get a rewording.
6 - ...I forgot why I included this. Please ignore.


HesLanta's name is spelled with a lower case l in the quest window. It can probably also uses some rewording.


I'm not sure if "please help Ahat" is the correct phrase to use here, but maybe it's something in the English language that I'm not aware of.


Back at the expedition camp.

1 - Maybe reword the second sentence?
2 - "You share the details regarding Diel, Cheshire, Ahat and the dimensional crack with Doha and give him the Clotted Bloodstain, the Frozen Piece of Skin and the Strange Magic Stone as evidence." ...Maybe not. Long sentence is long.
3 - Maybe start the second sentence with "We now know" instead of "At least"?


Class should be Garment, not Clothes.


That should be all for this quest.


Quest - Civil Services

The bunch of quests you can get from the NPCs around the central fountain that yields you 1 Sapha Certification per quest. There are quite a few of them and they're given out randomly, so I'll only report the ones I was given.


While asking the NPCs what the requests are about.

Kalipo - Rewording probably needed.
Tragis - Some other messages are included.

Spoiler

Explanation of the quest they're giving you.

Pura - Part of "Curious Meat". Maybe remove the "So" from the first sentence?
Kalipo - Part of "A child on the flower". Rewording probably needed again.
Moltuka - Part of "Taste like home cooking." Both the quest title AND the explanation probably need rewording.

Spoiler

"research ways". Life Force Pots are actually Glass Tubes sold in the Alchemist guild for embryo brewing. Objective (for all these quests) lacks the period at the end.

Spoiler

Reaf Cat Syndrome.
Bad: Rapine
Good: Laphine

Spoiler

Same as above. Also needs rewording.
Something about these quests: Some of their quest titles are all capitalized like "Violent Winged Insect", and some are like this. It'll probably be better if you can stay constant with the quest titles.

Spoiler

"complained and complained" was used in the explanation when the NPC gave me the quest, instead of "blamed".

Spoiler

Sweet Potato is the Smokie tame... They asked for 50 plain Potatoes that you can buy in the Prontera veggie NPC.